Virus with Shoes (pnyby23) wrote,
Virus with Shoes

They cloned Ripley didn't they

I'm back here for a while. I just need to write freely. Even a blog is too open, too much. This is just for me. And people who have known me long enough that they aren't going to judge.

I'm in a really bad way, emotionally. This last year of trying to get my shit together post college, has actually just been a spiral of loss and rejection and resentment. I just keep thinking that there was some kind of social contract they told us about, school, college, job, content. And I decided, a bit late, to buy in. Just to...feel like a normal person. I want to know what that is. And, that's not happening.

I don't know how much longer I can live without a win. I'm trying, at least I can say that, but I keep having this phrase run through my head, "They call them losers; not because they don't try, but because they can't win."

It might end up in a book someday, if I make it that far.

Deleted my FB for a while. I'll go back in a bit.

Trying to get sober. Trying not to smoke. Trying not to smoke pot. I'm two for three, but the booze. Shit that's hard.

I wish I had something better to say.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
If you need someone to talk to late at night, give me a call. I'm happy to listen anytime. Let me know if you need my number.
Thank Steph. :)
I mean it, Joey. Any time of night, for whatever reason. Whether you need a sounding board or someone to talk about inanities to distract you (would you like to hear about my quest to replicate Etruscan armor?), if you're depressed or just battling insomnia, I am here.